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I think he’s out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they’ll eventually accept it. My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. It’s nobody’s business, and I fear they would find our relationship shocking and disgusting. I feel we should continue being discreet for the rest of our lives and blow off their questions. They know we’re gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we’re getting pressure to settle down.
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Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. I’m not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship-we’re at peace and very happy.
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But we never fell out of love with each other, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living very discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to family holidays. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We hoped it was “just a phase” that we’d grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together until we left for college.
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Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn’t dare tell anyone what we were doing. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion. Got a burning question for Prudie? She’ll be online at to chat with readers each Monday at 1 p.m. Please send your questions for publication to (Questions may be edited.) Get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week click here to sign up.